Finally

I made some peace today...

Inventory

So...summer...and some sense of stability...I have a routine, the structure and schedule that I loathe, yet crave... I've stopped drifting from one to another in reckless abandonment, stealing small pieces of each in some hopes of fashioning some semblance of a whole, I've found someone that can fill that ever-present vacancy, someone who loves unconditionally, I've tried to shake off last year, the sickness, the pain, the choices, the people from it whom I'd like to forget. I work full days, each moment structured, I see Ryan, I spend time with the family, I write and paint when I get the chance...its a lovely exhaustion. The friendships that really matter are strengthened by the distance, each handwritten letter or thoughtfully typed e-mail a precious treasure. I plot and plan for the future this fall, for school, for new possibilities, for second chances. I hope...I dream...I love...

Again...for the first time...

So...here goes...

Finding the world of myspace blogging shallow and lifeless, my journey here begins...yet again.

Being unable to delete every blog that bears those words, that bears my pain, my sickness, incapable of disposing of those memories, horrid though they are, still part of what I've become...call me weak.

So, I start here, anew...

Wish me luck.