Random, Restless Musings

Lately...

2010-01-28T11:21:00.002-06:00

So, recovery was going well. I was sleeping lots, hanging out with the Poof and Zack, taking it easy; then I picked up some cold/flu virus somewhere along the way. According to the Nurses's Station at the U of M Fairview, I now have a viral infection. Coughing your guts out a week after major thyroid surgery is not much fun at all! :( I am supposed to avoid contact with the public as much as possible for the rest of the week (a nearly impossible feat since I work at the Mall of America - hand sanitizing every 15 seconds, here I come!) and also supposed to get lots of rest and fluids.

In other news, I've been working on a website started by a friend of mine:

www.personaldramas.com

You should check it out! It takes a hilarious look at the funny, frightening, and sometimes downright freaky world of internet personals. It's always good for a laugh. Personal Dramas - we read the personals, so you don't have to! :)

Recovery is pretty rad...

2010-01-23T16:51:00.004-06:00

So, I am home from the hospital and recovering nicely. I've been sleeping 17 hours a day, enjoying all the visits from friends and family, snuggling the Poof, life is pretty good. My surgery went well, my incision is healing better than expected, and I only threatened one lab technician when he woke me up to draw blood at 4:30am. (I have never understood why they even bother giving you something to help you sleep when they're just going to appear every 25 minutes and demand you wake up for some reason...) I was able to come home, as previously planned, on Wednesday morning. I had lots of hospital visitors, my family has came down to visit a couple of times, Zack's family came down last night, and a lot of friends have been stopping by. :)

Tonight, my parents are planning on coming down and we're all venturing out to Punch Pizza, which aside from being delicious, should also provide a vast amount of entertainment, as any non-Americanized culinary experience with my dear redneck father usually does. I must be off now to pop my "Cheater Cheater Cheesecake Brownies" into the oven. :)

Sometimes you want brownies, sometimes you want cheesecake, sometimes you want both, but have the patience or motivation for neither. That's where Cheater Cheater Cheesecake Brownies come in handy...

Cheater Cheater Cheesecake Brownies

Ingredients You Will Need:
1 package store-bought brownie mix
1 package cream cheese (low-fat cream cheese optional)
⅓ cup white sugar
1 egg
Teaspoon of vanilla extract

Prepare the store-bought brownies first according to the package directions. Then, take a baking pan, and grease it with non-stick cooking spray, and pour in the brownie batter. In a separate bowl, combine your cream cheese, sugar, egg and vanilla extract, and whisk together. With a spoon, drop the cheesecake mixture in dollops throughout the pan, grab a butter knife, and swirl for that fancy-dancy marble effect. Then bake your for 35 minutes at 350 degrees Fahrenheit. You can test to make sure they are done by sticking a toothpick in the center of the brownie. If it comes out clean, you’re all set!

A note to all those planning to visit or well-wish while I recover from surgery...

2010-01-18T11:28:00.003-06:00

So, tomorrow morning is my surgery...

If you would like to stop by and visit me in the hospital, the best time is tomorrow evening, providing I am up to it. I will be at Fairview University Hospital on the U of M Minneapolis Campus. Call/text my cell phone and we'll make sure to get you directions! :) I will also be home at my apartment in Minneapolis recuperating for a week, and would love if you stopped by! If you would like to send well-wishes, but are unable to make it up to the hospital or my home, please feel free to send cards, letters, etc. to my home address. If you do not have it, send me a Facebook message, or comment here, and I'll make sure its provided to you! :)

Thanks again to all of you that have kept me in your hearts, thoughts, and prayers. :) You guys are the best! <3 *hugs*

Take Care!

Blood Orange Cheesecake and Bureaucracy Blues...

2010-01-13T13:42:00.004-06:00

So, last weekend with temperature hovering around -15 during the day, Mr. Zack and I decided we'd head to the Marjorie McNeeley Conservatory at Como Zoo because it was a) essentially free and b) WARM! Apparently everyone else in the greater Twin Cities area had the same idea. I've never seen the conservatory so packed! Despite the initial crowd-pushing and the fact that the orchid show was later in the year than I expected and not happening when we were there - boo :( - we still managed to have a lovely time. Pictures to come, soon, I promise! We ran some errands and decided on a quiet night in, making dinner together and catching up on some housework. We quickly decided 'twas a night for parmesan chicken and risotto, but what for dessert? We wracked our little brains, and I came up with cheesecake, possibly citrus, then remembered organic blood oranges were on sale at The Wedge, and found this amazing recipe HERE - thanks to the good ol' blogosphere and food blogger extrodinaire - Aimee from Under the High Chair

Blood Orange Cheesecake
makes a 10-inch round, serves between 8 and 16, depending on how generous you are.

Crust:
1 1/4 cups graham cracker crumbs
1/3 cup butter

Filling:
675 grams cream cheese
3/4 cup sugar
1/3 cup sour cream
zest and juice of one lemon
zest and juice of one blood orange (or regular orange)
5 large eggs, room temperature

Topping:
1 1/2 cups sour cream
juice and zest of one blood orange
1/4 cup sugar

Preheat oven to 350F.
For the crust, melt butter and add to crumbs. Mix well and press into a ten-inch springform pan. Bake for about 8-10 minutes until slightly golden. Cool.

Beat together cream cheese and sugar until smooth. Add citrus zest and juice. Mix well. Add eggs, one at a time, combining well after each addition, but not too vigorously. Pour over crumb crust and bake for about 40 minutes. Middle will still be slightly jiggly.

Remove from oven and run a sharp knife around the sides, but do not remove ring. Cool 15 minutes on the counter.

Meanwhile, prepare topping. Combine sour cream, citrus zest, citrus juice and sugar. Pour over slightly cooled cheesecake and let stand for half an hour at room temperature.
Chill completely. Remove ring and serve.

This cheesecake is simply AMAZING! :) Light and citrusy, full of flavor, and super easy! I think it might be the dessert I bring to Easter this year!

Also, if you don't have a springform pan (rather essential in cheesecake production!) I noticed that they were on sale at Target, $13.00 for a set of three different sizes! :)

Aside from cooking and baking delicious things, we've been busy doing a little mid-winter cleaning and I am excited to say I finally have a desk I fit under! Thanks to Zack and Ikea! In other news, school is still being a pain about academic appeals and its all just a nerve-wracking waiting game...I can't register because I have holds, but I have holds because I have cancer, and I can't continue to be insured for my surgery to treat my cancer unless I can make my holds go away and register for classes...its a vicious cycle full of red tape and administrative hoo-hah!

Oh well, nothing to do but wait...wait, and eat cheesecake... :D

Or I could just take a nap...

Dates and such...

2010-01-07T20:01:00.003-06:00

Just a note to anyone who was wondering when my surgery was going to be...

- Tuesday, January 19th at the U of M Fairview Hospital.

It's mid-morning, then there's recovery and regaining consciousness and whatnot, so I suppose I will be ready for visitors late that afternoon/early evening.

If you are interested in visiting, I'd love to see you! Let me know and I'll give you details on where to go and where to park and such.

Hope to see you! I'm sure your hugs have healing powers! :)

12 New Year's Resolutions for 2010

2010-01-04T12:46:00.008-06:00

In no particular order, here are my 12 New Year's Resolutions for the year 2010:

1) Adventure more! - Be they big or small adventures! I want to travel more, see, do, and experience more.

2) Yoga more! - Mr. Zack has said he wants to learn basic yoga, so now I'll have a little more motivation once I have a mat buddy! :)

3) Photograph more! - There have been so many beautiful moments over the past year that I've missed capturing, or, that I have captured and they've remained on my memory card or buried somewhere deep on the computer. I have so many beautiful frames to fill!

4) Read more! - I've been so stressed out, worried, sick, or all around miserable feeling that I've fallen WAY behind on my reading! :( The first goal for 2010, locate my library card!

5) Create more! - I love to paint and craft and cook, but these passions have fallen by the wayside with how sick and weak I've been lately. I already have plans for creating an artsy corner in the office! :)

6) Volunteer more! - I used to volunteer all the time, and I really miss it!

7) Correspond more! - Keep in better touch with friends and family, especially those who make such an effort to stay in touch with me! (For the past 22 years I have received a birthday card on, or before, my birthday from ALL of my mother's siblings and my grandmother...)

8) De-stress more! - Make time to do those things that keep me sane...reading, meditation, candlelit baths, painting, etc.

9) Grow more! - Find some clever way to flower garden in an apartment during the summer. I am a green thumb at heart, and summer just isn't summer without getting to root around in the soil and be rewarded with brightly colored blooms!

10) Tidy more! - Keep things in our wee apartment more tidy and organized!

11) Study more! - With cancer soon behind me, the semesters of 2010 should be a WHOLE lot easier!

12) Live more! - I'm sick of cancer, so here's to getting my life back and a cancer-free 2010 after I kick thyroid cancer in the face with my thyroidectomy!

Wish me luck and love on achieving these things! I certainly wish all of you love and luck for the coming year! :)

P.S. Do you have any New Year's Resolutions?

Papillary Thyroid Cancer 101!

2009-12-26T21:25:00.003-06:00

Lots of people have been asking me lots of questions about the type of thyroid cancer I have and what treatments are available, and what the prognosis is and whatnot...which is legit, because its ridiculously confusing and I had no idea what the thyroid even did until mine started trying to kill me...

However, to be completely honest, its kind of a downer having to relay the same craptastic news a bajillion times...

So, for your education pleasure, I present to you Papillary Thyroid Cancer 101:

http://www.endocrineweb.com/capap.html

If you have questions, please, ask me! This is just a general outline to abate some of the common questions I get repeatedly.

I have a consultation with a surgeon on January 4th, once that happens I should know a little more in the way of surgery dates for my thyroidectomy and whatnot, I promise I'll keep you all posted.

I hope everyone had an enjoyable holiday, I know I did, despite all the nasty news. :)

Thanks to everyone again for the prayers, warm thoughts, well-wishes, and love and support!

Take Care! :)

Household chore I hate #186 - Ironing

2009-12-21T12:01:00.003-06:00

Now, ironing does not seem like THAT terrible of a household chore. I'm sure that if one has a decent modern iron and a wee bit of time, wrinkles can be smoothed into submission from just about anything...but that is not me...my iron is from the 1800's...

okay, okay... so maybe 1961...

Anyways, it is old...and once you plug it in, immediately begins to smell as though it is going to burst into flame at any moment. Once upon a time, it probably had some sort of steaming function, but the doodad that plugs the chamber and keeps the water from spilling out has been lost long ago. Also, it does not have that nifty function most modern irons have that turns off the iron once it is hotter than the surface of the sun and simple millisecond of contact will cause it to scorch most any fabric. Occasionally it smokes, I would assume this was steam, but as aforementioned, it is no longer able to steam. I personally feel that it makes ironing more exciting...adds a sense of danger to it all...afterall, what would housework be if it wasn't just a tiny bit life-threatening?

I survived becoming a human pincushion, also, TOMALITO!

2009-12-17T15:13:00.009-06:00

The use of local anesthetic makes a biopsy significantly less painful. It still hurts like mad and I still cried and nearly broke poor Zack's hand I was squeezing it so hard...but it hurt less than last time (when they decided not to give me local anesthetic), and I wanted to do this...

www.nataliedee.com

okay, so I still wanted to...but, they numbed me up really good this time and that was pretty awesome. Now we wait for results...a week...

In other news, I am once again employed, which is pretty rad. I start sometime next week...its non-seasonal, base rate + commission, and not clothing retail...which is good enough for me!

Last night I finally attempted the Sweetcorn Tomalito as a side dish for Zack's fajitas that I've been meaning to get to ALL week. Though it took an hour and a half to bake, the results were tasty! A sort of fluffy sweetcorn pudding. A great compliment to Mexican dishes, since the standard beans and/or Spanish rice would leave me quite ill. Also, the leftovers are delicious at breakfast, warmed, with a little bit of maple syrup drizzled over the top. :)

Here's the recipe:

Sweetcorn Tomalito

Ingredients

5 Tbsp. butter, softened
1/4 cup masa (corn flour)
1/3 cup sugar
1/2 cup water
2 cups corn kernels, fresh or frozen, thawed
1/2 cup cornmeal
1 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
2 Tbsp. plus 1 tsp. milk

Directions

In a small mixing bowl, mix the butter, masa, and sugar using an electirc mixer until light and fluffy. About 1 minute.
In a blender, blend half of the corn kernels with the water until smooth.
Combine this mixture with the butter mixture, stirring well.
Add the remaining corn kerrnels, corn meal, baking powder, salt and milk and mix well.
Pour the corn mixture into an 8 inch square baking pan. tightly cover with foil.
Preheat oven 250 degree F. Place covered dish in a larger roasting pan filled with so water is 3/4 of inch up side of baking dish. Bake for 1 1/2 to 2 hours.

So make some Tomalito, and if you happen to be in, near, or in the position to drive to Minneapolis tonight; board games and homemade cookies, our place, 8:00 PM! Hope to see you there! :)

Combatting the pre-biopsy blues...

2009-12-15T18:15:00.004-06:00

Tomorrow, I go in for another thyroid biopsy to ensure if a newly present nodule is cancerous or not. If you have never heard of a thyroid nodule, you can read all about them HERE.

The biopsy is essentially this:

Once the patient is ready, a needle is inserted into the nodule. Most doctors do not use a local anesthetic.The patient holds his/her breath while the needle is rocked gently to obtain as much tissue as possible. The needle is then withdrawn and pressure is applied over the thyroid area to minimize bleeding. This procedure is usually repeated six to eight times to ensure that an adequate amount of tissue has been collected. After the procedure, pressure is applied over the neck area for 10 to 15 minutes to assure that the bleeding has stopped. The pressure also helps to reduce any swelling that may occur.

Anyone that knows me will tell you that I am not at all a fan of needles, so the idea of being a human pincushion for 45 minutes is not a particularly comforting one. Also, last time I had a thyroid biopsy, it HURT, not "stung", not "smarted", no, it straight up HURT. I was crying, I was scaring the crap out of the poor med student assigned to hold my hand and he was crying...oh, such fun.

So, in nervous anticipation of tomorrow, I've been a pretty major wreck the past few nights. Zack took tomorrow afternoon off so he can be there with me tomorrow (because he is perfect and wonderful :), and tonight we're going to get some take-out from my favorite Vietnamese place and curl up on the couch and watch television for a relaxing, low-key night...and hopefully I will manage to get SOME sleep. :/

I had a pretty successful interview this afternoon, and although they couldn't offer me the position until they completed all their interviews, they said that I'd be a great fit. I find out tomorrow...wish me luck!

I finished Christmas shopping for Zack today, so all that's left is picking up a few things for the extended family and the tickets for mum and dad. I feel a little bad for not getting them much they can actually open on Christmas morning, but they're really excited about the Gaelic Storm tickets, and I think they'll really enjoy themselves. :)

Well, I'm going to curl up with Sasha-poof and relax.

I hope you're all staying warm!

I Heart Chai!

2009-12-10T18:58:00.003-06:00

I am a coffee snob, I am a tea snob, and yes, I am a chai snob...so I was hesitant about this instant chai tea latte mix from Oregon Chai. Hey, I got a free sample from somewhere (which, to be honest, has been sitting in the cupboard for a couple months) so I figured, why the heck not?

I am sorry for ever doubting you Oregon Chai, your tea latte mix is delicious!

Creamy, subtly sweet, gently spicy, and CRAZY EASY!...hot water, a splash of milk, and you've got some dang good chai.

Don't believe me? Try it for yourself HERE for free! :)

Today it was -21 below, and I was not a fan...

2009-12-10T17:29:00.006-06:00

Today, when I ventured out it was -21 degrees outside. People are always saying "That's Minnesota!" and "It'll only get colder, buck up!" and it kind of makes me want to punch them in the face, because, you see, these ridiculous people that embrace winter and love the cold are the same people that get to drive around in their nice warm cars...not have to take three buses to get where they want to go. Oh, and its winter, so although it hasn't been snowing for over 24 hours, the buses are still running WAY behind schedule. Oh, and bus shelters, bus shelters are fantastic, but not every stop has a shelter, especially not out in the burbs, because people that live in the burbs DRIVE CARS! *sigh*

So, I went on a magical adventure out to the burbiest of the burbs today, to be interviewed by a woman that I'm pretty sure was that same age as my little sister. The bus dropped me off at the last stop on Main Street and I then got to go a-wanderin', hoping beyond all hope as I went on that I was at least going in the right direction. I finally saw another person crazy enough to be walking around outside in the frigid wind. We met and pulled down our scarves only to speak long enough for the asking and receiving of directions, and I figured out I was walking in the right direction, but had another seven or so blocks to go. I arrived at my interview breathless, windswept, and looking like I had returned from some sort of Antarctic expedition. (Now, it may be unprofessional to show up to an interview in calf-high Sorel boots lined with fur and a Columbia parka, complete with Eskimo-esque hood trimmed in fur...but I do not care, I was warm, and THAT was what mattered...)

My interview was uneventful. The bus back was late, and was filled with what can only be termed a "mentally handicapped comedy troupe". God bless them, they were having a fantastic time, but they kept cracking jokes to me and other passengers that made absolutely no sense, and then laughing wildly. My personal favorite:

Man: What's your name?

Me: Christy

Man: Well if your name was Joe, I'd say let's go in there *as he points to Trader Joe's* and I'll get you some bananas! *raucous laughter*

Me: *confused look*

So, after my magical trip back on the 12, I decided to stop in at Steeple People, which is a nifty little thrift shop across the street, which I've been meaning to get to ever since we moved in (August...). What a wonderful place! I was in search of teacups for a Christmas project I'm planning, and I didn't see any that weren't in sets of china, so I asked a nice elderly lady. She introduced me to the "free box" and said I could have all the mismatched teacups I wanted...JACKPOT! I also picked up some lovely Victorian-esque ornaments for the Christmas tree and a fantastic kitschy coffee mug for myself that reads "Swedeheart"...so excellent!

We were thinking of making steak fajitas for dinner earlier, and I found a delectable recipe for Sweet Corn Tomalito to go with them, but its BRRRCOLD outside and I didn't want to venture out in search of masa, so we've postponed it for Saturday. Tonight, Zack has agreed to make his lemon pepper chicken with feta and couscous...mmm... :)

I'm going to curl up with some cocoa in my new mug! Stay warm!

The BEST Bread Pudding Ever, Period!

2009-12-09T10:00:00.013-06:00

So, last night was the first real snowstorm we've had here in Minneapolis. To celebrate the fact that its finally starting to look like winter around here, I decided to make a pork roast, homemade mashed potatoes and gravy, and an absolutely sinfully delicious bread pudding!

I found the recipe HERE and have also included it below...

Bread Pudding

Ingredients:

2 cups whole milk (or 2 cups half & half)
1/4 cup butter
2/3 cup brown sugar (light or dark, depending on taste preference)
3 eggs
2 teaspoons cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 cups bread, torn into small pieces (french bread works best)
1/2 cup raisins (optional)

Directions:

1. In medium saucepan, over medium heat, heat milk (or half & half) just until film forms over top. Combine butter and milk, stirring until butter is melted. Cool to lukewarm.

2. Combine sugar, eggs, cinnamon, nutmeg, and vanilla. Beat with an electric mixer at medium speed for 1 minute. Slowly add milk mixture.

3. Place bread in a lightly greased 1 1/2 quart casserole.

4. Sprinkle with raisins if desired. Pour batter on top of bread.

5. Bake at 350 degrees F for 45 to 50 minutes or until set. Serve warm.

If you make the sauce to put on top of your bread pudding, adjust the sugar in the bread pudding recipe, change it to 1/3 cups sugar (the sauce has the other 1/3 cup in it).

Bread Pudding Sauce

Ingredients:

1 cup whole milk
2 Tbsp. butter
1/3 cup granulated white sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
1 Tbsp. flour
dash of salt

Directions:

Mix everything together and bring to a boil for 3 - 4 minutes, stirring constantly. Set aside for 5 minutes, then pour on warm bread pudding.

It was absolutely delicious! All the warm, gooey, slightly spicy and sweet wonderfulness that bread pudding embodies, easily the best I've ever had! I would have included pictures, but most of it was devoured while still hot, almost immediately after coming out of the oven, and the rest was eaten cold this morning for breakfast! Mmmmm... :)

This made my day...

2009-11-04T12:27:00.002-06:00

Sometimes you just need someone to recognize your struggle and tell you you're beautiful...

12:14pm Friend

I think that you are rather brave sometimes... :-)

12:14pm Christy

oh?

12:15pm Friend

Yeah, I think about all the stuff you've been through, and still go through...

what with issues with your mom and your health and relationships and school and jobs...

and yet, you still keep plugging away...

you don't seem to quit...

and you do it with a smile and decent attitude for the most part

12:17pm Christy

oh, I've had my breaking points

12:18pm Friend

I know

12:18pm Christy

maybe its because I'm Irish, and too damn stubborn to quit

12:18pm Friend

but you are still here

lol

yes

call it what you will

and keep doing it

:-)

you have people who love you and want you to be happy in life

myself included

12:20pm Christy

thanks dear

12:21pm Friend

I just wanted you to know that I've noticed your struggles and like that you don't quit

12:21pm Christy

I guess...well...there's just too much beauty to quit

12:21pm Friend

yes

both outside and inside of Christy ;-)

Fragility

2009-10-20T15:57:00.003-05:00

"You are fragile," he said

Fragile things are destined to one day be broken

"Some grow stronger," he said

Tell that to the iridescent spiderwebs

and fleeting early snowflakes.

But it would be nice if he were right...

Clandestine Sunshine

2009-10-05T21:13:00.004-05:00

You are the canary
auroral yellow
perched safely deep inside
my tenebrous rib cage,
still you sing such dulcet songs.
A surreptitious sunbeam
no interminable string of gray days
can ever steal away.

Cause and Cause

2009-09-24T14:07:00.003-05:00

With him
a r c h e d backs
and
s t r e t c h e d limbs
have a way of leading to
more
a r c h e d backs
and
s t r e t c h e d limbs
but she
hardly seems to mind...

Promises

2009-09-24T13:58:00.001-05:00

Its so nice to have someone
to hold hands with on the train
I can promise to stay conscious
if you promise to stay sane...

Origami Sekkei

2009-09-22T21:18:00.003-05:00

We are skilled practitioners
of human origami
with a lack of crisp folds,
but more a knitting of limbs.
Entwined and twisted
tangled together
like lianas
in the hot jungle
of the tonight

We Should Just Confess to Ourselves...

2009-09-16T17:08:00.002-05:00

Remember that day
the one we spent writing dirty haikus?
We claimed it was for art,
for beauty, and nature,
and free expression
...but we both know we're liars...

Conchology, Entomology...

2009-09-16T17:06:00.000-05:00

She has never been one
For collecting much of anything
Save for cataloging sighs
And the occasional sunbeam
That gets caught up in her hair
And decides its not such
A bad place to stay

Prefering canvass and brush
Or pen and pad
To chloroform and specimen jars
To numbered tags and stick pins
Stuck through never again moving limbs
Or never again flapping wings

So she'll capture her find
In a method that suits her
Then toss him back into the surf
To live free once more
But she certainly wouldn't lament
If he found his way back
to her stretch of sandy beach
During the next low tide.

Ten Paces to the Window

2009-09-16T17:05:00.001-05:00

He paces through her mind all day
Back and forth in steady lines
Much like the paths he wares
Into the stained hardwood floor
When thinking
Or waiting
Or talking on the telephone
Don't pace so, boy
There you'll simply fall
To the floors below
But what would happen
Were you
To fall
Out of
My
Mind?

Longing

2009-09-16T17:03:00.004-05:00

Its been a night of too many
acoustic theme songs
Each chord lighting
A flickering candle
That only a lover's satisfied sigh
Could ever extinguish
And voices seep in
splattering against cold walls
And trickle down
into my waiting hands
But none of them are ever
yours...

Haiku

2009-09-16T17:03:00.001-05:00

his silken neckties
he ties around her pale neck
her skin soft as silk

You Know Nothing of Moon Maidens

2009-09-16T16:53:00.002-05:00

He speaks to her
Of moon maidens
If only he knew
How many stars he makes her see...
He writes to her
Of moon maidens
If only he knew
How she wishes he was the moon
At least she gets
To see the moon nightly
through the cracked panes
of her dingy storm window

Catching Up...

2009-09-16T16:45:00.003-05:00

I have about 400-gajillion poems that should type up and add on here, but being shut away in the wild woods of Wisconsin for a summer has a way of disrupting my posting process...the following are those poems from this summer that I recently located...more to come, I am certain of it.

I'm going to make a promise to myself...

2009-08-21T11:12:00.000-05:00

To blog more.

Because, in doing so, I find release...
and with release...
I grow less...

Flighty....

Yep...

2008-09-02T01:05:00.002-05:00

Feeling...

disjointed
disjunct
disoriented
candlesnuffed...

probably all without reason
but still...

I am hardly in the mood for proper punctuation...

2008-08-14T01:29:00.002-05:00

Today it rained

and today I worked
and today I worried

Do I ask too many questions?
Do I ask too much of you?
Are you truly happy?

Or do you simply feign happiness,
as I have,
far too many times?

And every time you drift away
I panic,
although I'm guilty of
the exact same tendency.

Will you stick around
every time my feathers are ruffled,
every time I'm startled and flit off,
will you wait for me to come back,
and alight near you?

You promise its true
every time you softly pour out
those three words

but I've been promised before
and left with broken wings
and broken hopes.

You're different
I know you're different

I can feel it
and I wish and hope and pray
that I'm right.

Ugh...

2008-06-22T15:04:00.003-05:00

Ugh...I'm in a weird mood lately. I just feel, well...trapped. I can't break free because I can't put my finger on just what or who or where is trapping me, but trapped I am. I feel as though some part of my freedom has been compromised, and I can't get it back, because, well, I guess I don't even know why...I'm restless, I'm bored, I'm severely short on any kind of motivation, I'm lacking stimulation that comes from only a certain kind of person or thing. I can't paint, I can't write, I can't even emote it would seem. I'm in a complete creative funk, and I despise it.

...but we all float on...

Cheers to you all, may your days be sunny :)

I dug this out today...

2008-06-02T13:40:00.002-05:00

The polish slowly cracks

on your perfectly varnished realities

spidering out of control

until it all peels off and falls to the floor

and you're left exposed

full of potential

but skittish of everything

Doesn't it feel a funny kind of wonderful?

Cheers! :)

Hello, old friend....

2008-05-24T17:07:00.002-05:00

So, it most certainly has been a while...so much has happened.

I've gone through lovers, losses, illness...but today is a new day.

I just got a new job, $10/hr and a generous part-time schedule.

The sun is shining, Sasha is purring on the windowsill, and Blake and I shall rendezvous for coffee el fresco shortly.

Life is good... :)

Monday Monday...

2008-04-14T17:49:00.002-05:00

It's Monday...and I'm in my underpants after waking up at 4:00 pm...life is good.

Sasha is being a complete and total spaz today, which is frighteningly unusual considering she's usual a silent piece of furniture. She's currently lovin' up on the toaster, I don't pretend to understand...I mean, I love the toaster too, but we keep our acts of affection on the down-low...

The new beau should be here shortly, a random wander downtown for some dinner and a bit of fresh air (now that it has finally decided to be above 30 degrees) are on tap, we'll then probably wander back home and snuggle up with some boob tube...

I should be off to find pants.

Cheers! :)

An update of sorts...

2008-04-12T19:51:00.004-05:00

Oh, its been a while...entirely too long...

So much has happened, but I hardly feel like writing about it all now...

It's been a time of transition, and of the rebirth spring always brings.

So for now, I bathe myself in candlelight, watch the sun set behind the skyline, and wait for a boy with emerald eyes to come for a cup of tea...

Cheers to you all... :)

Yay, sleeping in! Boo, Saturday boredom!

2008-02-02T14:35:00.000-06:00

There are 101 things I should be doing today...laundry, dishes, studying, cleaning the litter box, writing papers, dusting, sweeping, mopping, grocery shopping, organizing, sending thank yous, attending a baby shower, exercising...the list goes on. Instead, I have decided to curl up with a snuggly blanket, one of my favorite old Jack Kerouac books, and a hot cup of Earl Gray...take that society. I'll do shit later...maybe...if I feel like it...

Cheers! :)

Why can't we just use carrier pigeons?

2008-01-28T14:05:00.000-06:00

It is currently 46 degrees...ABOVE, I am so excited, I think I may piss my pants!

So, warmer temperatures, not looking like I am a member of the Inuit while heading to work, a stunning cup of oolong tea, and Sasha-kitty snuggles, so far, so good.

Now...for the cynical ranting that you all know and love:

The U.S. Postal Service....rawr!
My ghetto apartment building....double rawr!

I go skipping merrily down the steps today, my pretty little letters in hand, only to discover there is no place in which to deposit outgoing mail to be found! I looked, good and hard, passersby probably began to wonder if I was canvassing the mailboxes or some such thing; but to no avail. So, I came back upstairs and called our landlord, and he told me that I could simply tape the mail to the wall and the postman would pick it up. Now, if this was a schmaltzy letter to my grandmother, sure...but it was not, it was a $500 rent check. I'm wary about placing those checks in the mail, much less taping them to the wall in my less-than-secure apartment building. So after playing phone tag with three different Post Offices, they informed me that I could wander aimlessly until I manage to find a dropbox...woo, I'll wait until tomorrow, its only rent.

Back to my Developmental Psych. paper on Homosexual parenting...

Cheers! :)

Boo and a subsequent hiss...

2008-01-24T14:11:00.000-06:00

Blech...being sick is no fun! :( Being sick + sleeping two hours a night because a)you're a natural insomniac, b)even if you could sleep, you can't do so much as even attempt it until you get home from class at 11:00 on a good night and c)you have to be up for work at the ass crack of dawn = A cranky, icky, and all around zombie-like Christy. Wow...was that sentence something akin to math?! See? Told you...I'm exhausted...and sick...I'm using math, I'd have to be sick for something of that nature to occur.

Anywho, it is cold...not "Brrr...wear a hat, its chilly" cold, no, no this here is a "SWEET JESUS ON A POGOSTICK MY EYES ARE FROZEN OPEN AND I CANNOT BREATHE BECAUSE MY LUNGS MAY HAVE BEGUN SOLIDIFY!!" kind of cold. I woke up for work this morning and it was -20 below zero...I was not amused. The ol' parka and I are frequent companions, as well as the thermal mittens, scarf, and woolen hat with fleece lining (oh, and tassels, just for fun). It's supposed to be below zero again tonight, I do not look forward to standing outside and waiting twenty minutes for the bus. Oh well, que sera sera...

I must be off...I have much to clean, as my apartment currently looks as though it may have been hit by a tornado, or possibly bombed...

Stay Warm! :)

Craziness!!...

2008-01-22T15:48:00.000-06:00

Oh, blog...you have not gone unforgotten...I promise!

Life has been but a blur since around Christmastime-ish. I'm all moved into my new apartment in Downtown Minneapolis, the Sasha kitty and I have done our best to make it "homey". I'm finally closer to Ryan, *double Squee!* have procured a job Barista-ing down on Nicollet Mall, and started school at Argosy the second week of January! I love the change so far, though I miss the North Shore, the move has done me good! I'm back on a regular schedule of work, class, work, class...its the lovely exhaustion I enjoy and require...

Now, for funness!

Ryan and I at Christmas...awww... :)

My pooftastic kitty cat, Sasha...

I must be off, hope you all are well!

Cheers! :)

Perhaps its premature...but I grow elated at this thought again...

2007-11-27T14:27:00.000-06:00

I grow excited for the winter

for us

finally free

finally happy

finally able to love

without constraints of distance

free to tanglewrap ourselves in each other

whenever we see fit

making more memories of

soft hands on breasts,

delicate back arches,

and thicktousled hair

sticking to shimmerglistening skin

finally, I can cover you in rain

deep thunder reverberating through us both

as lightning dances off our emeraldautumn irises

finally I can bury you deep beneath my sheets

and hotheavy whisper

into your perfect ear

just how well you fit

Finally I can love you

like I've always longed to love you

and it will be so beautiful...

Restless...

2007-11-27T13:04:00.000-06:00

So...perhaps its the general free-spirited restlessness inside of me, perhaps its something else...but I'm craving change again. I cannot stand it here, Superior is a depressing, dreary, downer of a town. Winters here are hell to get through, the university is drek, I need a life revolution...

So, I just may relocate to the Twin Cities. Better schooling, closer to Ryan, closer to home, and the program I'm looking at means I can work full time, attend classes in the evenings, study on nights that I don't have classes, see Ryan more often, and be able to get home to see the family more frequently. Not to mention the Psychology program has a Master's and Doctorate program on site, professors that are all currently in the field they are teaching, and insanely amazing networking opportunities.

Now, the tricky parts. Getting accepted, relocated, finding a place to live, a decent-paying job...but I'm up for challenges like these again...its amazing what I can accomplish when I'm not deathly ill!

I think this new beginning will be most beautiful and amazing...and I think I need it.

Wish me luck :)

Just a note...

2007-11-27T12:44:00.001-06:00

This man may be just as ridiculous as I am...and I unabashedly love him for it.

Storybook

2007-10-29T13:25:00.000-05:00

So...my beautiful fairytale comes to an end, I can't say that I'm all that surprised...

Why must I always live in a delusion?

An observation...

2007-10-13T13:42:00.000-05:00

There is simply something about swinging that is so utterly freeing...

Everyone should swing more...

Reflections...

2007-08-30T14:27:00.001-05:00

So, upon finally returning to my blog, I discovered that the last thing I wrote about was the beginning of summer...and here we are...nearing the end. It's been a good summer, a full summer. A chance to forget about the past few seasons and all their karmic disasters. A summer of sunsets and thunderstorms, a summer of learning, and growing, and healing...let's hope it continues...

Finally

2007-07-27T16:02:00.000-05:00

I made some peace today...

Inventory

2007-07-25T10:35:00.000-05:00

So...summer...and some sense of stability...I have a routine, the structure and schedule that I loathe, yet crave... I've stopped drifting from one to another in reckless abandonment, stealing small pieces of each in some hopes of fashioning some semblance of a whole, I've found someone that can fill that ever-present vacancy, someone who loves unconditionally, I've tried to shake off last year, the sickness, the pain, the choices, the people from it whom I'd like to forget. I work full days, each moment structured, I see Ryan, I spend time with the family, I write and paint when I get the chance...its a lovely exhaustion. The friendships that really matter are strengthened by the distance, each handwritten letter or thoughtfully typed e-mail a precious treasure. I plot and plan for the future this fall, for school, for new possibilities, for second chances. I hope...I dream...I love...

Again...for the first time...

2007-07-24T18:12:00.001-05:00

So...here goes...

Finding the world of myspace blogging shallow and lifeless, my journey here begins...yet again.

Being unable to delete every blog that bears those words, that bears my pain, my sickness, incapable of disposing of those memories, horrid though they are, still part of what I've become...call me weak.

So, I start here, anew...

Wish me luck.